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Tuesday - 3/07/06
2:30pm
Amarillo, Texas
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(Armadillo)
"The Perfect Shuffle"
As most of us know today's MP3 players (and cd players too) have a shuffle feature which (c'mon this is a white-texter) allows one to shuffle the songs randomly and listen to the music ad-libitum. The other day I encountered what I call a "perfect shuffle". A series of songs which feed off one another to encapsulate yet exaggerate the emotions, and beckon hues of color which meander among the landscape. Traversing the hills and valleys to the soul. The songs which were shuffled randomly in my rare and unexpected perfect shuffle are as follows-
1. Jean-Luc Ponty - Don't let the world pass you by
2. Lynyrd Skynyrd - Tuesday's Gone
3. Danny Elfman - Good Will Hunting, Main theme
4. Danny Elfman - Edward Scissorhands Soundtrack - Storytime
5. Al DiMeola - The Embrace
6. the Eagles - Peaceful Easy Feeling
7. America - Ventura Highway
8. Wilhelm Kempff - Beethoven - Mondschein Sonate - Presto agitato
9. Al DiMeola - Southbound Traveler
10. Max Creek - Orange Sunshine
11. Phish - Back on the Train
At this point one of my silly hula-dancing VSO romps shuffled through losing the perfect shuffle. Though it continued a blit longer on the next songer.
12. Sheryle Crow - Soak up the Sun
13. Radiohead - You
14. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Runnin' Down a Dream
15. Mozart - Piano Concerto #22 in E-flat major (3rd movement), K. 48
16. Paul Simon - Graceland
17. Thomas Newman - Finding Nemo Soundtrack - Field Trip (David)
17. Radiohead - (Nice Dream)
18. Peter Gabriel - Solsbury Hill
19. Lynyrd Skynyrd - Freebird
At this point the VSO cut in again with all it's anti-glory pepperoni Roast Beef on Rye (RBR)(RBI)(Arby's){Riley's}[Fields] and the perfect shuffle was lost yet again. I suppose the perfect shuffle is self inflicted as I'm the one who loaded the blinking songs on there in the first place, but the order in which they play themselves, as a varied form of Pootery, is the key element. You may say- "Greg, this is in no way the perfect shuffle" Which is completely true. Just like the soul of the individual, each of us has our own version of the perfect shuffle. I have faith in that. Even I myself (me) on a different day wouldn't necessarily regard this as the perfect shuffle, but then what do I know...
Thanks for listening
WVSO - FM 101.5
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8:51am
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You ever get one of those chairs in your hotel room that is
unduly topheavy, and falls over an inordinate and irreverent amount ?
I know I did.
That's for surely
This chair didn't resemble Thomas the train engine at all
but boy did it fall
That's all
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Wednesday - 3/08/06
9:02pm
Amarillo, Texas
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Music? What music? OK black to the music. I have been ranting and rapping on the Stack family of which etc. etc. I was staying, and was going to continue being Johnny Rantleseed, (Johnny Rappleseed) Prancing around the counrty is Sasquachian fashion, sewing my seeds of fridge raiding guff, enough is enough, now back to the stuff- and then I was going to do a blogging about loading VSO gear in my truck, of witch I took pictures of the procedure, and which is forthcoming but instead I took a walk and found a new rant altogether.
The ad-venture begins as follows-
I strolled
out of the hotel in bewildered Texas tarpish bluish fashion
and proceeded down the street in search of a minute 11 minute ad-venture.
(I had to get back soon as VSO needed a diaper change)
(as we all know she's like a newborn child to me in my aggressively
aggravating over-protection of her)
that didn't work out
(She-S-O is also a woman, as no man could be that cool)
So I walked on down the line and encountered this sign-
As I have used self storage in the past I figured I was
overqualified and moved on
(Actually I've never used
self-storage but it made this
story a whole lot camel better)
(camel?)
(I forfeited a tangible story like for the
white text gag. gut it camel?)
I didn't get very far when I noticed the black of the sign
Despite the fact they neglected to use a colon; sorry-
":" What kind of bad dream is this?
Don't you have any ped-als or blinky lights to assist with your living out
yore legendary dream??
I Think Not
Therefore I am after an hour or so looking at the sign
until I got bored and moved on.
I then almost got a huge Tattoo of Texas on my forehead but was short on
loot
and they didn't take credit cards which after stumbling belligerently
out of the post-ceding tequila tour bus I was thankful for
I then nearly went to Pizza Planet but gave it A'Mis
with a nice comment below,
which is pictured above /\
and I thought this was a good deal
big deal, it's not a happy meal
So I walked another few hundred yards when I came upon this-
The Tequila fun-tours bus.
which wasn't idling, it was more idoling as I worshipped it's flaming paint job
This was the establishment of which said bus b-loged
A local Anti-Gringo joint which served I-don't-know-what as I hurried by in all my Gringiosity
Actually before seeing the bus but after seeing Ruby
Thursday's
I gandered at the gander in the local fauna
(Gander is circled for easy perception)
uh-oh I hear the slamming door
hotel neighbor family is back,
more on them later
To refresh, the gander is circled for easy perception
This bird was crying out some alien western Texas
squackings
which weren't that informative to my eastern ears so we'll move on
I waited at a wanna-be crosswalk for awhile and tried to
hit the button
to get the light to change but apparently they don't have that feature in
Texas
So I waited
and waited
and waited
and waited
but the blinking light wouldn't change to non-blinking
so I blue through the light and jay-walked
I was a little paranoid about getting picked up by the local sheriff for bluejay watching
Sheriff Roscoe P. Thomastrain
but I ran across the street in all my anti-glory and avoided capture
(cactus)
Then I came upon this
A local music store
Randy's Music Mart
MOO-HOO-HA-HA-HAAAAAH
They had no idea what (who) [I] was about to Randily walk in the door.
Unfortunately I didn't get very far and was banned from said store before I even arrived
(I was one banned man)
Actually that's not true. I had gone to the wrong
entrance and around the corner
the real entrance awaited for me to enter and entrance them all
(dem all)
(this is Texas)
The first thing I came upon was this Franken-pedal.
An
effects box with an eerie ghoulish appeal
Too bad it wasn't a Stompsquach or I would have bought it
Next I saw the unique array of butterfly heart guitars they had highspeed inline
So much for Manly man's Texas
and your scrolling was not that highspeed
Then I saw the most amazing instrument amongst the fingerings
Was this an official washtub bass?
A bass in your face
all over the place
my laundry I did
which reminds me I didn'tWhatever the case,
washtub or bass,
I must go use the laundry
which to my disgrace
is at the other far end
of this Choice hotel place
As much as I wanted it, I wasn't about to buy it.
(I do want that fingering though)
ACF are you dying laughing yet?
DCF Hoe 'bout you?
All AC/DC F's aside I then looked at the uniquely
light blue Fender guitar duel among the other drab axes
All my Axes live in Taxes
OH CR*P!!!
No, we all know I did my taxes already,
I'm such an H&R Blockhead for even trying that joke
(I'm crying over here writing this)
Hope you R2-ACF-D2
HAHA!
| O | K |
So I'm gandering at the ex-fauna hanging on the wall and
I proceed
to check out the amp room which invitingly invites me to play an axe.
Unfortunately none of the amps were plugged in
so I gave them a washtub bass fingering and browsed on
wait, the amp room was to the left
The drum dept.
The sheet music dept. of for which I have no use.
Only witches use sheet music in their evil Elvish piano worshiping
Onto and into the pro audio dept. where I found a mixer upper
There wasn't much in the keyboard/synth dept. that I
hadn't seen
back in my diaper days but they did have a pool
Complete with Peavey diving board/slide combo (amp)
Haha ACD2 brothers I will die you laughing yet!!
I talked to the guy at the register and he was really cool, all ranting aside.
(I guess that picture isn't worth a thousand blirds)
The guy actually gave me the contact info of Roland, the keyboard company who I plan to let steal my idea (first) It's funny the guys back east at the music store I frequented did nothing to help me out (Just kidding Alan, Carlos, Glen-O)(Robby-X) This guy was a drummer and had some good things to say about drummers and drumming in general. He mentioned that more importantly that flash and flare, steady tempo can be just as impressive. Plus it appeals to the greater masses as I (VSO) do not (maybe) Even I don't understand the blinking thing so I'm bound to be living with the Stacks in the long run. We talked for awhile about drumming and the world around us when I finally brandished him one of my VSO business cards with the picture of the blinking thing on the back. He was stupefied. Actually not a stupefied as some of the stupid people back east (ACD2) but he was into it nonetheless. This is when he gave me the contact info for Roland and a black eye to boot. I thanked him for the black eye and cursed him for the contact info and proceeded merrily on my way leaving the store in my wake, seeing it in my vastly vast
non-existant-but-good-for-the-ending-or-this-segments-ending-of-the-story
rear view mirror
As I was walking my walk I noticed that the guitar pictured on the sign had an inordinate amt. of octaves on it (the double dots on the frets) I woundered how they had de-arranged the space time continuum to allow for 8 octave where normally there are two at best. Three if you were to spend a co$tly amount to have my Texas Stratocaster painstakingly refurbished and emellished with a custom R2D2 VSO logo from an unused battleship model kit. I went back in to inquire if the guitar in the sign was for sale if it had indeed existed in this universe (Ibanez) but the washboard bass fingerings drove me back out into the harsh 60 degrees (haha)
Just then I noticed these decrepit bldgs.
(Forgive the abundant abbreviation)(it saves time)(as
writing about it does not)
(the punctuation)(like that)(or that)(Do you realize how much time i just
wasted?)
(I could have easily de-punctuated almost all prior punctuations if I
wasn't typing this right now)
(and it keeps getting worse)(as it will)(Bill)(and)(Wil)(always)(be)
(blee)
These decrepit buildings, sorry, bldgs. have a flaw in that they are mostly abandoned despite the bustling community surrounding them. I theorize that the reason for this is their abundantly ambiguous nature. The blue signs above don't lend well to distinguishing which business is which, witch may be why they failed. Even the bldgs. pictured b-low are indescript in their corporate offerings and it looks like the GMC place is smack dab in the middle of the haircut that hertz
I left the bldgs. in the dst. and proceeded to proceed
down the street when I happened upon this jolly Molly gas station
I have nothing more ridiculous to add to this place's ridiculous name
So I did a full circle and waited at the wanna-be crosswalk for awhile again
and I waited
and waited
and waited
and waited
then suddenly I realized on the South side
of Texas they did have a little button
So I pushed it and I waited
and I waited
and waited
and waited
and waited
Until it finally still didn't blinking change so I ran
across the street with an antelopish vigor
I then walked passed the other side of the Ruby
Tequila's
and saw a sight far less idle and far more idol than the flaming tour bus
I then rounded the home stretch past Tequila Joe's toward my wet and whining VSO baby
and in case you were looking for the drive up window:
THE END
(phew)
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9:12pm
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So I am in Armarillo TX, Armadillo Texas if I could be so critter (if
you dont have time to read the entire entirety of this entire thing I
understand)(I know you have work to do)(haha) So this guy across the
hall in the hotel is a door slamming idiot-breath from Missouri (MO'-ssouri
if pronounced using ebonics) Not only that the hotel has an
intercontinental breakfast, not just a continental corporate breakfast,
that would be intercontinetial. What I'm referring to is my own
intercontinental concocted interpretation of said worldly breakfast which
sounds like Thievery Corporation to me in that I stole like 16 bagels and
8 waffle irons from the measly mealed buffet. It says free complimentary
buffet right? There they go slamming the doors again. Perhaps I'll set up
the VSO outside his door and bang out a belligerant Bubble
O'Riley at full bubblee volume and see how his door slammitivity holds up
after blowing the wall inwards on them basking in all their anti-glory in
their anti-glorious room. Bubblehead. Back to the bubbily breakfast-
I mean so what if I can't eat all 16 bagels and 8 waffle irons at
once like Billy-Bob the trucker sitting over there in all his unearthly
girth? This guy has apparently given birth to his girth in the form of
quadruplets and is quite a mess. Enjoy TEXAS where men are men and women
are double breasted or is that double beasted? Thanks Pat. I mean why
should I pay the price for feeding this guys sugar habit when I try to
keep in shape? He has an entire donut lodged his irreverant beard which he
probably doesn't even notice while he's sitting there in all his anti-up
glory, a would be poker pla....damn there goes the door slammer again.
Time to give him a good slamming (cramming)[whamming]{flogging}(blogging)[bubbling]
That guy would be a would be poker player if he could raise his arms to
hold the cards in this full out exhausting and physically draining contact
sport in his opinion. This guy started smoking for a workout. Some form of
exercise, raising the enflamed butt to his lips over and over in three
sets of ten butt-exercises (a pack and a half) as he wheezed his way onto
the Olympic butt smoking train engine team. So I'm sitting there
nonchalantly cramming bagels and scrambled eggs into my innumerous short
pockets and sugar packets in my nostrils to gain much needed storage space
for my stolen mobile buffet. oop, here it comes- SLAM! the stupid door
again. I can hear the door creak open and can predict this macro-slam in
doorlike fashion down to the wire. The wire around his neck in an ever
tightening noose wrestling him to LaFleur struggling with strangling him
in all his anti-glorious and eye popping strangleivity. So back to
breakfast, this 10 year old kid comes strolling in in all his in
in barechestedness not wearing a t-shirt or fauna to conceal his
protrubering nipples. He wasn't wearing a t-shirt. I glanced around the
room quickly to see if any of the fellow Texas toast eaters notice this irreverent
move. I see no-one around who resemble a semblance of his
parents (realizing that his dad is probably sitting propped up against the
wall in the hall in a strangulatory sleep) So I take it upon myself to say
(Howard) Sternly to the kid- "[David], You should really have a shirt
on near the food" fully expecting to get egg in the face thrown at me
by said bare-boy. Instead the kid looks at me like a newborn yet to be
slapped by the doctor and udders a cowlike and meek "ok" as he
prances off to don a shirt or some other nipple-cover-upper of the feast
and fauna genre. He comes back several minutes later with a Stern (Howard)
look on his egg ridden face. It is a t-shirt which displays "the
Doors" in all it's mini-billboard corporate b-logo. I say to him
"nice t-shirt", " I love the doors" Not the doors
slamming, of which, and with which the witch of a wife of the dead
strangulated hallway guy steps over his body to continue in the family
tradition of door slammitvillittyivity. Time to give this bubble head a
strangulated VerSiOn of VeniSOn served hot with VSO on top. SLAM- how's
that grab you as you clutch your ears in my 1800 watt Mackie assault. and
pepa if played using ebonics.
All I know is I can't wait to move on and see the rest
of this macro-glorious country of ours
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Thursday - 3/09/06
7:32am
Amarillo, Texas
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"the Tetris Truckload"
Early in the morning I set about my routine of packing my truck with the VSO gear which I have been moving into my hotel rooms for security reason. I have shaved the procedure down to about 20 minutes complete load and the same amount of time to unload. Depending of course how far I had to move said equipment and the tools I had available to complete the job. Tools being hand trucks etc. to make it easier and quicker to move it all in and out. The distance I have to move the equipment obviously is a factor as well. This demonstration is a best case scenario in that I was right next to an exit and was provided a decent luggage rack with large pneumatic (inflatable) wheels
. 
I grabbed the Luggage cart from
the reception area and traversed
that hall jealously looking at the pool which I had no time to bask in.
I then used said dolly to load my large main racks
Upon loading the racks I used
Quick-lock straps to secure the whole mess in the
back of my truck. This was a procedure I implemented halfway through my
trip.
The "security" light was
blinking at me indicating that the gate was ajar.
When I checked it at a rest stop it was fine but the galactic weighty
weight of the VSO pressing against it must have triggered the alarm
I then started putting my Mackie P.A. Speakers (mom) in the back behind the racks.
of course I had to remove the speaker as I forgot to put in the vacuum bag clothing bags as baffles in the already tinted windows to keep out any would be rappers.
I then started putting my Mackie P.A.
Speakers (mom) in the back behind the racks.
This configuration works out great as I can unload the speakers, pull the main racks up to the door, take the covers off, hook up the connections and the power inverter and I'm off and rocking, able to finally play out of the back of my truck which I always dreamed was possible. I was never able to do this in the past due to ignorance or lack of brilliance. In a flash of brilliance I surmised that if I put the racks on the small wheeled dolly's I was able to fit in my truck, I could elevated them enough to span the wheel wells and allow for fittibillity.
Back to the Mackies
In you go
Ahh, that's the one
Oh hold on I have to strap them in
This actually worked and I am left with a sweeet setup that can't fit an additional lima bean with the tetris-like stacking of the varying shaped components in a high scoring jubilee.
Onto the rest of the stuff
(we're only 1/3 packed, be patient)
Next I have to close the tailgate and open the
window to fit my plywood VSO base in
(Base not "Bass" I wouldn't sink so low to
incorporate
a 4 string plywood fish into my prestigious VSO rig)
Now it's time for more rapper distracter of the wrapping-type wrapper
First goes in the afghan my mom made for me (blanket mom
blanket)
truthfully I don't use it much for other that display purposes as I
already get unusually warm under multi-layered bedding materials. I do
like the afghan for senti-mental reasons.
Next goes in the affectionately stitched official VSO blankerchief that my friend made for me, or my friends' wife but she's my friend too although I have only met her upon a fleeting fancy.
She is one of the die hard battery fans who came out of know-where brandishing a whale spoon and said blanket in a jubilant display of get-the-heck-out=of-here. I thank her thusly
I'd like to think these affectionately given gifts have
a fairy dust effect in that
they will keep out no-goodski's and distract them from my potentially
million dollar cargo
Another thief-distraction is my winter coat strategically placed in hurriedly packed fashion.
 |
 |
Leaving scumbag potential threat onlookers with the notion that I just have regular clothes and drab moving items and not the space shuttlesque, costly, and worldly intergalactic VSO rig.
Onto the side doors to fill with my remaining garb
I place my secondary backup footpedal on top of old smoky on my enormous rack boxes. Mind you if I forget to do this now (as with much of this procedure) I will be left to unload the whole blinking thing in a cursed array.
(we're halfway there)
(don't whine this is much more work for I than you)
(and sometimes y)
Then I must place my digitech switchpedal under the racks
There is a bunch of airspace time continuum left under
here even
after said footpedal placement so I may have to buy more stuff
Here is the ice scraper I plan to throw
off the grand
canyon in white-wintry disgust
I then scurry off to get my big mama
Mack-Balls
subwoofer and footpedal box
After that I put in the Subwoofer. NOT the footpedals. I do this every time and have to take the blinking things out every d*ng single time so let's remember and drive the point home!!
DAMN!
You see I did it again!!
Ok
Then the pedals
Ok
OH CR*P I forgot to put in my mini-self righteous stage &%(&
Alright,
Now I scurry off and get the aluminum collapsible box
that
holds my ultra self-absorbed light show lights
and I put said lights in front of the pedals
(man this is a lot of work)
(and to load it all)
Now I put in the bag of cords that I can
NEVER PUT IN SOMEONE ELSE'S POSSESSION
(We're almost done!)
Who am I kidding... I'm almost done
Now I put in the mothership light switcher corporate logo rack machine gunnery
I then realize I can move it up 6 millimeters and gain
room
for that tic-tac I wanted to bring along.
It seems every time I pack the blinking stuff in the
truck I gain some space and inertia.
Eventually if this keeps up I'll have enough room for the
Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders to accompany me to my gigs.
That was a much needed distraction
and here's one for the ladies
Ok back to work, I then put in my Strat in the truck in tetrizoid-fashion
Then the Ibanez
Then the drum throne base
(This drum throne was a throne in my side for the
longest time until
I reincarnated Einstein to help figure it out. After several months in the
(helmet) lab we accomplished the feat which is displayed thusly in tetris
fashion.
Now I just have to find room for that blasted Mackie
speaker stand that winds up in a different spot every time.
and lastly the giant enormo mic stand box that
holds non-VSO items but is quite the fun-load
Up you go
(ow)
and strap her down
and we're off!!
(phew)
One final thing-
Below is an animated gif that I made in lieu of having a job while on VSO security duty in the hotel room. Actually it was on a dare that my blanket wielding friend inflicted on me to actually make the dang animated gif. You owe me another McDonald's gif certificate for making me go through that buddy...
I need a roadie.
2 player
out
disclaimer- (above image was not made by me, another
highly
advanced computer wizard took the time to bang that one out)
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8:27am
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Sorry, I wasn't able to
put the whole song up on the blogsite due to bloggin'
server space issues in all it's microbial micro-bitting anti-glory
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