------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Friday 10/06-09/06 
St. Louis, Missouri
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"St. Louis Take 2"

(Take 2 car thieves and throw them in the slammer)

Today I am writing about my second stay in St. Louis with the Stack family, though this actually occurred about two weeks ago at this point. This means that as usual I am way behind in the blog. This is the case for many reasons which I will list now. Actually I won't list the reasons. I'm tired of making excuses for my negligence and tardiness regarding the blog. On second thought I will include the reasons for the lapse in the blog.

1. I'm tired

2. I'm really tired

3. I have been busy

4. I was at my Aunt's house in Pennsylvania, and:

a) I was busy, and tired

b) My Aunt didn't have internet that I could access with my laptop, which has the faulty microsoft front page, on which, I attempt to do my blog updates.

5. I am now at my sister's house in Connecticut where the DSL wireless has been down, and boy am I tired.

All excuses aside, the DSL has been restored, mostly due to my brother-in-law spending several hours on the phone with some guy in India, and I am now prepared to update the blog:

"St. Louis Take 2"

(Take 2 car thieves and throw them in the slammer)

Before we go any further, my truck containing the very weighty and highly costly VSO equipment was not stolen, but apparently, Ms. Sparklepurse's new car almost was. (Remember Ms. Sparklepurse?)(I assure you she hasn't gotten any less sparkly, as is the case with Ms. Sparklepants) but we won't start all that Sparkle nonsense again. I left Rocky Mountain Sparkle Park, and headed south to Denver, and then east through the entire state of Kansas, where I nearly lost my mind. Below is a picture of Denver, albeit a blurry one.

The blurriness was surely caused by my trying to navigate the left exit (highlighted by the red arrow) while simultaneously juggling a large coke and my digital camera while I drove past the scene of an accident involving some guy who crashed while trying to juggle a large coke and digital camera. Moving on...

slowly

I made it onto the exit somewhat successfully, and proceeded east where I was miraculously not pulled over doing 70 in a 55 zone that was heavily patrolled by two motorcycle cops on the side of the highway under a bridge. I assume they knew I had been through a lot in the last 7 months, and was in for much more on the drive through Kansas to St. Louis, so they didn't pull me over. I honestly didn't realize it was a 55mph zone, as all the other traffic was whizzing by me doing 90, which may be another reason I didn't get pulled over, and they did. Moving on...

slowly

I headed through Colorado, where the landscape flattened out quite a bit to the east of the majestic Rockies...on into canned corn country, or wheat country at first. Shredded wheat that is. As the landscape got more and more non-majestic, I put my camera away, and didn't take too many pictures, as we've all seen plenty of shredded wheat, and why bother photographing it. Through Colorado, I went on into Kansas and nearly fell asleep at the wheel 49 times due to overwhelming boredom. I then made it to Topeka, which is pictured below.

Truthfully, this may be a picture of the west side of Kansas city, or it could be Topeka, I'm just not sure. What I do know is that below is a picture of the east side of Kansas City, or the west side of Topeka, I'm pretty sure of that. In reality, I have no idea.

After coming through Kansas city (which is really in neighboring Missouri)(and while we're at it, east St. Louis is really in Illinois)(these Midwesterners are sure confused) Actually before coming into Kansas city, but far to the east of Topeka (I think) I had an adventure involving my left rear tire (or right rear tire if you were looking at it from Topeka) I was cruising along, minding my own business, doing 80 in a 40 (just kidding) I was going along with traffic, doing a steady 70mph, when suddenly I passed Topeka. No, I had already done that (I think) at any rate I was approaching Topeka after going through Kansas City (east side only) when suddenly traffic slowed to a mere 30 mph in an otherwise 65mph zone. At first I thought to myself "Great, some guy juggling a large coke and digital camera trying to take a picture of Topeka City rolled his SUV" when I suddenly realized I could feel a slight warbling from behind. I yawned, and wondered what this warbling might be. I looked out my rear view mirror, and noticed Kansas city behind me, and a chunk of rubber the size of Topeka hanging off my tire.

"Whoa" I thought, "This isn't good". Immediately I knew I had to pull over and investigate the situation, and quickly pulled over into the right hand lane. Figuring I'd at least have to change my tire, I wrestled with the thought of unloading half my VSO rig into the breakdown lane to access my car jack, and thought it may not be a good idea. Thankfully, I saw an exit ramp about 1000 yards ahead, and more thankfully, the welcome sight of a Comfort Inn© just off the exit ramp. I had been staying at the Comfort Inn©, and other Choice Hotel© locations for the duration of my trip to and from LA©. I opted for the Choice Hotel© chain of Temporary Tired Motorist Dwellings (TTMD) because of the Choice Hotel© Choice Rewards© program, which is similar to frequent flyer miles offered by many of the major airlines©. Upon staying at Choice Hotels©, one can accumulate points to earn free hotel stays. Another reason I chose Choice Hotels© was for the free breakfasts offered, which I will describe below:

A) Continental Breakfast- A free meal including simple breakfast items including coffee, juice, cereal, donuts, bagels, and a few other breakfast items which aren't too expensive and/or which don't require too much preparation on the hotels part, but still a welcome sight. Continental breakfasts are enjoyed in the smallish dining room which is provided by the hotel for guests, while watching the local news channel wondering why our troops are still in Iraq.

B) Intercontinental Breakfast- The previously mentioned free breakfast, but going back for seconds, or even thirds after the regular rotation of guests has passed through the dining hall.

C) Intergalactic Breakfast- The previously mentioned free breakfast(s), but with many of the same items listed above shoved hurriedly into pockets and purses for a sneaky meal to be devoured later in the day once back on the highway.

D) Universal Breakfast- The same items listed above, pushed down the hallway on the breakfast carts to the hotel room for proper packaging and re-distribution for a fee on craigslist.

After pulling off the highway, I made my way into the Comfort Inn© for the previously mentioned free breakfast. Actually I didn't attempt an Intergalactic breakfast run. It was way past 10am., and the breakfast carts had all been pushed away. After telling her I had been frequenting Choice Hotels© during my travels cross country© I asked the nice girl behind the counter if it would be possible to change my tire in the parking lot of the Comfort Inn©. She hurriedly agreed with a smile on her face, and I set about the task of changing my tire to avoid an Intercontinental disaster. Pictured below is the tire which was giving me such an Intercontinental headache:

As you can see, the tire was in dire need of changing, probably due to the insurmountable task of lugging the entire VSO rig back and forth across this great land of ours. I only had to remove one of the Mackie© speakers to access my car jack, and set about the task of changing the tire, which took all of 15 minutes as the crow flies. After hurriedly changing my tire I went back into the hotel© and thanked the cutie behind the counter for letting me use the parking lot©. I bugged her one last time to use the restroom to wash my filthy hands before getting back in my truck to make my way back onto the highway to head to St. Louis. Before I did this however, I had to fill my spare tire, which was now mounted on my truck with air, as it had deflated considerably since it had been rotated hurriedly into the spare compartment after my last tire change. The first gas station had no air pump, but the second one did, and after filling the tire, I rode off into the sunset, which actually would have been sunrise had it been much earlier in the day (I was headed east) After getting back on the highway it was another grueling hour of fighting the incessant truckers to St. Louis. I finally arrived in St. Louis after attempting to get onto rte 270 far too early, which led me in the wrong direction for about 15 minutes before I reversed direction and headed south smack dab into a traffic jam. It was rush hour, which I never really understood, as none of us seemed to be rushing anywhere going a mere 25 mph on the over-clogged highway. After getting to rte 44, I found the Elm St. exit no problem and headed down the ramp. Before I give away the location of the Stack family completely, causing all you rabid VSO fans to high-tail it to their house to steal Ms. Sparklepants car, I will just say the rest of the directions to the Stack's is a secret. That may or may not have been a run-on sentence, but I'm pretty sure it was. After arriving I was delighted to see Pat (Stack) waiting in the front door to greet me after my long, arduous journey. It really was great to see the Stack family again, and I headed straight for their cupboards to mooch some much needed food after my trip. We sat down and caught up on the goings on over the last 7 months since I had last seen them. I was mostly dominating the conversation about my tales from LA, and they sat and listened patiently waiting for me to shut the heck up. Unfortunately I didn't take many pictures of the Stack's and their glorious house this time around. I guess I was tired, and not quite as inspired as I was coming through the first time. As many of you recall, I took an inordinate amount of pictures the last time around, so why beat a dead horse. The Stack's were all pretty much the same, save Ms. Sparklepurse, who had a new car which nearly got ripped off. For those of you visiting the blog for the first time, the prior Stack blog update is located here, for any of you bold enough to attempt to read it. I had fully intended to leave the Stack's be, and head back on the road after a day of rest, but after trying to replace my tire on Saturday, was unsuccessful in finding a Uniroyal dealer that was open. The one place I did find informed me that my tire was out of Stack (stock) and I'd have to wait until Monday as the warehouse was closed until then. I agreed and put an order in for the tire, and the Stacks were more than happy to let me stay until Monday at 9am, but after that I'd have to get the heck out. My beloved Ms. Sparklepants was out at a friends house much of the time, which made me sad. She and I seem to get along pretty well, and we played a game of pool when she finally did come home. Ms. Sparklepants played the piano for awhile, and I was overwhelmed at the progress she had made on the instrument. Her fingers were flailing like hummingbirds across the keys in a blur of musicianship that really did make my head spin. She had certainly made more progress than I musically in the last 7 months, that's for surely. I urged her to continue playing as I feel she could be a concert pianist before she hits 20 if she kept at it, which I'm sure she will. Pat took me out sightseeing around St. Louis, which it turns out will be the bulk of this blog update, at least as far as pictures are concerned. He drove me through a couple neighborhoods, describing the area, and really was quite knowledgeable about the history and goings on in the St. Louis area. Our first stop was in the gigantic Forest Park, which is pictured below.

The park is home to the St. Louis zoo, which is one of the best zoos in the country according to Pat, but we didn't go there. Moving on, we visited the famed "Jewel box" which is an arboretum frequented by many newlyweds in search of the perfect wedding photo.

Incidentally, we encountered about 8 different wedding parties within the park that day, of which Pat was quite surprised. I took his lead and was quite surprised as well. After that we headed toward downtown St. Louis, where the St. Louis Cardinals were about to win a crucial game to put them in the playoffs, finals, or whatever term is used for the much talked about final games of the baseball season. we drove past a famous Catholic church, which had remarkable mosaics inside. We didn't venture inside to take pictures as there was a mass in session, and my picture taking may be considered disruptive during mass

The outside of the church was pretty impressive nonetheless

After passing by the church, we drove past Union Station, which is similar to Boston's Faneuil Hall. (For those unfamiliar with Faneuil Hall, it is similar to Union Station)

After Union Station, we continued on toward the
famous St. Louis arch, the gateway to the west.

We drove around the arch, and I was able to see it from nearly all sides

even underneath

The arch is quite immense, and is the largest man made monument in the country, if not the world (I forget) It is made of stainless steel, and is worth a good chunk of change if melted down and sold off bit by bit on craigslist. There is an elevator that takes you to the top, but it was too late for a ride up much to my dismay. I can only assume the view from the top is breathtaking.

I took one photo of the arch that Pat really liked

It did come out pretty good, and Pat thought it was worthy
of a postcard. Maybe that's how I can finally make a living.

After driving around the arch, we gawked at the Mississippi river for a minute.

Pat told me that back in the 90's the Mississippi river flooded and the water was nearly up to the bottom of the bridge in the background. I tried to visualize the water being that high, which is much easier using photoshop:

That's a lot of water.

They had erected flood walls and gates in case
this happened again, of which, I took a picture

We then took a ride to the Anheuser Bush plant, where they make Budweiser beer

Pictured here, highlighted by the arrow, is a presumably drunk guy

After seeing the Anheuser Bush plant, and smelling the hops for nearly 2 miles down the road, we drove past the house of Ulysses S. Grant. It was more of a log cabin, and I tried in vain to get a picture of it as we sped past doing 50 mph. I highlighted the house with an arrow just in case you missed it.

As you can see, the picture is somewhat blurry, but you get the idea

Down the street at the Grant farm, we got a look
at some Clydesdale horses in a nearby pasture.

I didn't mean for the picture to be so picturesque with the fence and all...
that's just the way it happened to come out from the passenger seat

At this point we headed back to The Stack residence, where Pat and P.J. took me out to dinner at A'Mis (many of you may recall that place from the last Stack update, and many of you may not care) i had a whopping portion of chicken parm, and hadn't been that stuffed since probably the last time I was there. The Stacks sprung for the meal as usual. as my job as postcard photographer is still in the works, but they did allow me to pay the tip, of which, I was most grateful. The following day we went apple picking at a place called "Eckert's fun farm" which was located about an hour away from St. Louis. It was myself, Pat, Ms. Sparklepurse, and Robin and her son. The rest of the Stack's busied themselves with non-apple related activities. I forgot to bring my camera, but P.J's sister Robin was kind enough to forward a couple pictures from a previous visit to Eckert's, plus a couple I swiped of the Eckert's website. (I'm not going to bother putting a link to Ecket's.com, you can google it for yourself if you're so inclined.) The farm was bustling with activity, and surely making a killing at $6 a head plus the cost of apples, which weren't any cheaper than at the grocery store. Pictured below is an avid apple picker, who shall remain nameless (though I know who he is)

They had many activities at Eckert's, including a stage set up where a yokel band was playing apple pickin' tunes. The stage pictured below wasn't the actual band, but merely a picture ripped off from their website. I can only assume the band playing the day we went was much better than this guy

Included below are a couple more pictures
from Eckert's funny farm for your amusement

I don't know any of these people, so I don't mind
brandishing their picture on the web for all to see

Just then I saw Leonardo DiCaprio

but unfortunately Ms. Sparklepurse was
off somewhere and didn't get to meet him

They had a barn at Eckert's

Which may or may not have been at this particular
Eckert's, but it was surely on their website for all to steal

They also had something called "funnel cake" which translates in eastern lingo to "fried dough" They really ought to call it "fried D'oh" as in Homer Simpson "D'oh" as eating too much of this will surely make you vomit, not unlike the famed Stack puppy chow. Consumed in small manageable quantities, it is pretty good, quite similar to a D'ohnut. last but not least I've included a picture of the ripening season at Eckert's for lack of a better ending.

The End