--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Sunday - 5/14/06 
Mother's Day
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Happy Mother's Day

For today's blog I would like to make it
my focus to thank all the mothers in my life.

the Biological Mother

I was born in New Bedford, Massachusetts, in September, 1969. I was given up for adoption by my natural mother. I bear no hard feelings toward her for giving me up for adoption, quite the opposite. She must have felt that she couldn't provide for me and relinquished her newborn son to a family she felt would care for me better than she could. I have contemplated trying to locate her, but there was always something else to do. I never seemed to be able to make time for this quest. Carrying a child which you know you can't keep must be a very selfless and difficult thing to do.

I can only imagine it would be easier to have an abortion, though I'm sure they weren't as common in 1969. Having to part with a child, and in most cases never get to see the newborn even once, must be a tremendously hard thing to do.

I was somewhat recently informed by my adoptive, and real mother, that I was in a foster home for a time before I was taken in by my parents. This finally helped to explain some things I have noticed about myself over the years. I have a very affectionate disposition. I now think that this was mainly brought on to the time spent in my first months in a foster home. I can only assume that I wasn't the only child in the foster home, and time spent with the children must have been scarce. I believe this is the case, as I seem to constantly yearn for that lost affection, which was during a pivotal time in my new life.

They say the first few months of childhood are the most important toward development, and I do feel the effects of not having due nurturing at this stage of my life. I'm sure that it is within my nature to be affectionate, but I feel these circumstances compounded the urge.

I still recall as my earliest memory, the time we went to pick up my sister from the adoption agency. It was in the city. We drove in and I still can recall the elevator with dark wood grain walls. Although not part of my recollection, my mother told me that they sent me alone up with the nurse to fetch my new sister.

She explained to me that she did this in order to form an initial bond, as I was the one bringing this beautiful baby into our family. This worked o.k. at best, as I was tough on my sister for many years. She will confirm this. I guess I never really accepted that I wouldn't receive all the attention in the household and I used to tease her to no end. I'd like to think this made her a stronger person, as she did turn out tough as nails, yet still elegant and cultured (and so begins my long journey kissing up to her to make up for our relationship during childhood)

My sister is now a mother as well, and a great one at that from what I can see. Her two children are the most adorable kids I've ever seen, and that's not just kissing up. Great job Ms. Mystic storage (and Mr. Mystic storage) My brother in law is a truly great guy. It occurred to me at one point that I never had to worry about my little sister with him, and I suppose I have taken it for granted that she has found such a wonderful guy to spend her life with and raise a family.

the Adoptive Mother

Without cause or hesitation I would have to say that my adoptive mom is my "Natural" or "Real" mother, even though I know she's reading this, and if I said otherwise she'd surely drive out and club me for the first time ever. I say the following in truth, from the heart.

This goes for you too dad. The desire for a couple to adopt children has to be the strongest form of unconditional love expressible. Many children are born into families unwanted. Others are born into loving families who adore parenting. The act of adopting a child has to be the most selfless thing imaginable. After all, you are basically giving up your life in the hopes of having a family, and I suppose you potentially don't know who you'll end up with as a child. To me this is an unimaginable sacrifice, and somewhat of a gamble. To put themselves in that position to me is like I said, the most selfless expression of love I can think of.

Both of my parents have given me tremendous love and support, although we differ greatly, which I imagine is largely due to genetics. Although they don't always understand me, and what I do, they have always stood behind me. There is no way to thank them for giving me a chance to enjoy this life we were all thrust into. Thanks to the both of you for your love and support over the years.

the Surrogates

In my life, enduring the unfulfillable longing to find affection, has led me to the doorstep of many surrogate, or extended mothers. You all know who you are. Though some may be confused by my lack of differentiation of age. Some women I find "motherly" although they may be too young to have birthed a son my age, or they may even be years younger than I.

This obviously doesn't make sense from a biological standpoint, but to me it's irrelevant. The ability to nurture is ageless in my opinion. When I find a woman who believes in me, especially ones who are intelligent and amusing, I immediately consider them family.

I have a tendency to latch on to women who have a nurturing disposition, or ones who "have their act together" so to speak. I always find direction in these women, and they have helped lay out the path my life has followed.

Thank You

I would never be where I am today without you,

especially you mom.

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Thomas Newman - Nemo Egg

Instrumental

I chose this song of the day from the soundtrack to Finding Nemo because it reflects the tender nature of parenthood. As you may recall from the movie, when the young Nemo is taken away, his father went on the greatest adventure of his life to find his lost son. I feel this best reflects my parent's quest to find children and raise a family with my sister and I. We are now left to find ourselves in this vast ocean we call life.

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Donations welcome